The 1999 Toyota Corolla.

Let's talk about features.

Bluetooth: nope

Sunroof: nope

Fancy wheels: nope

Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.

Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.

You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.

This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.

Things this car is old enough to do: Vote: yes Consent to sex: yes Rent a car: it IS a car

This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.

Interesting facts:
This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey. In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"